I am not a fan of being negative so I wasn't going to post this, but then to pretend that travelling is all rosy would just be plain wrong, so here goes.
A few weeks ago we hit the mid-way point on our Canada trip. It's strange, because before that I felt that I was still settling in; now I feel like I'm counting down the days until I have to go. Where was that pleasant inbetweeny phase where I have loads of money and loads of time?
It has also forced us to face the realities of our situations. My flatmates are having to make some big life decisions right now, and I'm trying to make some significant changes.
I decided a few months ago (on the strength of Louise's love for Australia and an unwillingness to go back to the UK) that Australia would be my next home. A few of my friends will be heading there next year, one of my best buddies is about to go with his girlfriend and I've got two Australian advice gurus living with me right now, so it seems rude not to go there. Living near Byron Bay and surfing all day, every day doesn't sound too bad either.
The problem is that this decision has shaken me out of my self-deception about my job. I am constantly poor, and though I can live with this most of the time I can't save up for a flight when I have about $300 to live on after rent. It looks like it's time for a bar job, but getting one is easier said than done in this crazy city, especially in the middle of a recession.
It also sucks major ass that I'm going to have to leave behind all the amazing friends I've made and the people I've met. The promise of a wicked leaving party doesn't really make me feel any better about the fact that I have to go, and even though I'll be mega excited to open a new chapter of my life there'll be a distinct niggling sadness that I might not ever see some of these people again. It's different from when I left home, as I was always certain I'd be going back. I might never live in Toronto after this.
There's the issue of home, too. I've never been a homebody and was desperate to leave the country as soon as I could, but ripping yourself out of your family and your circle of friends is consistently shitty. The birth of my nephew has been hard, as I saw him three times when I was home and now won't see him until he's 8 months old, and then I'll be off again until he's almost 2. How can you be a positive influence on someone's life when you're never there? As for my friends, we may slip into the same old perfect dynamic as soon as we're together again but I'm still missing out on their lives. They're buying houses, graduating and setting up their futures, and I'm not there to help. I miss them.
It seems as if the next five months will be infused with a panic; an "oh my life, I have to do this before I leave Canada!' panic to be precise. Tom, Lou and I made a big list of 'must-dos' when we moved in, and there are too many unchecked boxes for my liking. Time and money are getting in the way - but that's just life, isn't it?
Hopefully now I've got all that off my chest something miraculous will happen, like a reverse Pangaea that will make all continents one, and solve everyone's problems. In the mean time, Russell Brand always cheers me up - that mad, verbose ball of sexiness.
http://www.russellbrand.tv/
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