America: World Police

As I write this I’m sat on a Greyhound bus just making its way along Front Street, beginning a trip I don’t really want to take. I don’t shun travel often, but this journey could end fairly disastrously, and all signs so far show that it will.

So I came to Canada almost a year ago exactly. My year-long working holiday visa expires tomorrow, on the 16th. Throughout the year and the application process for coming over here, we were told that it would be easy to extend your stay for traveling; you just go down to the border, cross into the US, come back, and hey presto! Canadian tourist visa.

I know what you’re thinking; since when do British people need a visa to visit Canada? Don’t we still own them?

Apparently we can no longer just swan around the planet doing what we like. Jesus, what do we pay the Queen for? Shouldn’t she be sorting out shit like this?

So anyway, time comes around, and it starts not to look quite so peachy. Both the US and Canadian visa / immigration websites suck ass. If I was a refugee, I’d know exactly what to do, but they are seemingly against giving information to someone who’s here legally about how to stay here longer, legally.

SWAP are no good either; the girl I emailed gave me totally conflicting evidence to everything else I’ve ever heard, then admitted she didn’t really know and suggested I see a $200-an-hour-lawyer. Tom has already seen a lawyer, who put the fear of God into us both by saying it was very unlikely that we’d be let back in, which in itself was contrary to what the ex-SWAP friend of ours and everyone else who’s ever actually crossed the border has told us. We didn’t even know whether it was better to go on the day our visas run out or a few days before. Hell, we don’t really know who we’re meant to speak to; “go to the border”? The border’s huge!

Needless to say, I was a bit apprehensive, bringing my laptop and some essentials along and discussing with V-dog what he had to do with all my shit if I was sent home or worse, stuck in America. This exchange with the driver as I was showing my passport to get on the bus didn’t help:

“You need a 994.” (an American accent, not a good sign)
“What?”
“You need a 994, and 6 US dollars. You got 6 US dollars?”
“No, I have Canadian. Is that a form?”
“You need a 994 and 6 US dollars. You can’t get in.”
“I thought the only thing I needed was a Visa Waiver form. I did that.”
“You have it?”
“No, you do it online.”
“…….”
“On the computer.”
“You have it?”
“No, it said I only need my reference number. I have that.”
“Well I dunno, but if they won’t let you in we’re not paying for a cab back. If they won’t let you in you’re paying for your own cab back.”
“………OK (whatthefuck!)”

So here I am, pooping my pants a little bit despite all my logic saying that it’s more than likely I’ll be on this same bus coming home later tonight. I mean, I don’t even want to go into the US! They’re making me!

All I want is to live in Canada hassle-free, leave when I like and then come back freely; is that so much to ask?!

P.S. I’m so addicted to my new Macbook that I’m not even appreciating the beautiful views on the drive. I’d say FML, but fuck that, I have a Macbook.

P.P.S. I've not heard anyone say anything good about Weezer's latest album. Am I the only person that likes it? It's rad - kudos to you Rivers, you mental man.